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June 20, 2006
Hot or not
You know when you walk down the street and see a couple------ one is rather ugly and the other is rather attractive.....don't you just yearn to say to the gorgeous one.......
....'LOVE YOU COULD DO SO MUCH BETTER FOR YOURSELF'
Like usually attracts like, so on a scale of one to ten: the 7's pair up with their opposite number----give or take a notch or two.
When people go out 'on the pull' they are thinking: 'i could have him/her'....and assessing whether or not they can get away with a severe upgrade or be desperate enough to downgrade for the evening.
I was once asked by a man who was as ugly as a hat full of arseholes if i would 'like to go out some time'.......
I found the notion somewhat depressing, ie, the fact that he thought he was 'in my league' (i was in the full bloom of youth and pulchritude at the time)...i was therefore less than flattered by his invitation.
It is very hard to be subjective about one's own beauty, so i can only be guided EITHER by the thousands who have been enraptured by my dubious charms OR the thousands who have very kindly voted for me on a dating (with a rating) site.
I am ajudged by 4947 men (i'm ASSUMING they are men)to be (on average) an 8....which i am assured makes me hotter than 78% of the other women on the site.
Not bad for an old bird hey what!!!!
Speaking of old birds, what a wonderful story i saw the other day about a peacock who was trying it's darndest to woo A PETROL PUMP.
They say love is blind.........!!!!!
Posted by Letitcia at 12:30 PM | Comments (1)
June 12, 2006
Spunk alert
The Aussies have a word for it.
'He's a spunk' they (the sheilas) will exclaim.
Well i stood in a queue at the Redroaster coffee emporium... and i saw the very thing....from the BACK.........
Believe me when i say that this apparition was akin to spotting a snow leopard in the desert, hearing a cucko in the winter and encountering a footballer's wife whose fashion sense i didn't want to headbutt.
I ached to reach out and touch the back of his neck and stroke the soft tendrils of his pitch black hair. Unfortunately there was an elderly hippie and a smelly oik between me and Mr Wonderful.
He even STOOD like a demi god---i checked out his shoes: they were lizard skin designer original---and when he turned round i almost spontaneously combusted. WOW----Hubba Hubba.
'There is no way that this bloke is English' i reasoned.
He grabbed his coffee and sought out a seat. There were no free tables and he had to share with some lucky people.
I grabbed decaf latte and sat outside in the rain---with the canvas awning acting as protection against the Bank Holiday elements.
Noah (my web designer) and Lydia (his fragrant shy lover) arrived and i told them that i had seen a stunning stud muffin within.
'Why don't you go and sit at his table?' they urged
I wasn't in the best of moods, and i was not feeling particularly on form where the art of 'picking up' was concerned...but a dare is a dare.
Back into the Coffee shop i went, and wouldn't you just know it.....the only seat available was NEXT TO HIM!!!!
I purchased my second (unwanted) cuppa and scythed ..nay...SPRINTED, through the pattern of full tables to arrive at the alter of all that was beautiful and said: 'is this seat taken'
He didn't exactly take a hankie and dust my chair seat down in acknowledgment..but he lazily suggested that my presence at his table was fine.
Noah and Lydia were giving me the thumbs up sign from 5 yards away and i took in the preposterous pulchritude of the dude up close and semi personal.
FUCK ME HE WAS STUNNING
He was studying a Suduko game....and as luck would have it, this is precisely what my mate Noah develops for National broadsheets.
I very gauchely rang him, i needed an IN to this vision of loveliness.
'What's he reading' Noah whispered from two tables away.
I tried to convey that i needed to say something cool and clever about Suduko to get into this guy's head.
Noah was most unhelpful, so i was left metaphorically with my clit in my hand, hung out to dry saying: 'that looks real hard'.
OH HOW BLOODY PAINFUL WAS THE LOOK THIS YOUNG MAN GAVE ME?
Not to be outdone, i compounded my awful chat up technique with: 'They're great shoes...where did you buy them?'
I was fixed with an even more painful look that said: 'Fuck off and leave me alone you twat'
So i did. I know when i am beaten. If at first you don't succeed try and try again...but after that, beat a hasty retreat......no point in making a complete eejit of yourself!!!!
Posted by Letitcia at 03:21 PM | Comments (0)