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July 28, 2006
Treading the boards with Diva Strine
It's official----i do stage shows....and i do it standing up as well.
I was asked last october if i would care to talk passionately about a subject dear to my heart.
The venue was at a comedy playhouse and i decided naturally to talk about Sex.
They asked me back to do a stint in conjunction with (Festival of age)..a celebration of the elderstateswomen of certain professions.
My name was allegedly put forward (i want names and addresses and current medical records)......
I was 'on' before Diva. (Name has been changed but see if you can recognise U.K's stage sweetheart)----- What a nasty,miserable, ungracious, decrepid drunken bitch.. She snarled/snapped at me to 'shut up' as i quietly whispered to my mates in the corner as she did her soundcheck. Comediennes are most unfunny in real life.
The promoter and flunkies were abasing themselves and slinging themselves at her feet---i was left to my nervous devices.
The promoter then sidled up and said: Letitcia......can you tone it down a bit???
WHAT THE ****
'You mean my bloomin' material?' i spluttered
'No...the intro music'....he surveyed the room...'might be too much for this lot'
So a pounding 'gimme some lovin' by Steve winwood....had to be muted....all in the name of keeping the 'entourage' and the weird audience happy.
This was going to be like putting Guns and Roses on before the Philharmonic Orchestra.
It was going to be unimaginably awful.
I saw the 'audience' arrive and knew in a sinking stinking heartbeat it was never going to fly.
If the League of Gentlemen ever collided with the contents of a (elderly) GAY ye olde Music hall ----------this was my fresh hell.
All the effort to find the right lines, the knowing inflections and the the bursting pregnant pauses---were lost when i saw the size of the mountain i was being asked to scale.
They would NEVER warm to material about a 70 year old been taken up the wrong 'un would they????
IT WAS A FREAKING NIGHTMARE.
The final humiliation was yet to come.
Ms Diva and Pianist had a tight schedule (for hot cocoa and an early night perhaps)....and the promoter/milquetoast sidled up yet again, AS I WAS STILL PERFORMING and asked:'could you wrap it up...'cos she's gotta get on'
I mean BLISTERING BOLLOCKS AND BURNT BUMS...how DISMISSIVE!!!
I rang the 'promoter'------7 MOTHER MUNCHING TIMES today, to enquire: 'what in the name of Basil Brush's butt was you THINKING??? Is there a particular reason why you would put me through being publicly dismantled?'
He is cowering somewhere i think, since he has not returned my calls (Bastard), and i will not rest until his cheeky countenance shows naked fear when confronted with a woman on the edge.
Oh well Letitcia, a mate opined THAT'S SHOW BUSINESS..................
Posted by Letitcia at 10:30 AM | Comments (0)
July 10, 2006
zidane zidane insane
I said to a million people who cared to listen---that i knew what was said to the French Footballer to make him lose his rag..........i had a wager riding on it.......
'I bet his tormenter said: 'i slept with yourfilthy mother last night and 'a) her arse was loose from fucking---or b) she was a filthy whore........
GOD I HATE BEING RIGHT ALL THE TIME
Posted by Letitcia at 10:53 PM | Comments (1)