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September 30, 2006
Having a wank in the Bank
Standing in the ubiquitous Bank queue, which (as usual) snaked all the way round to Nova Scotia and beyond, i thought:
OI YOU LOT how DARE you treat us poor plebs like morons!!!!!
If you REALLY think by introducing upbeat music (it was Al Green's 'LETS STICK TOGETHER' on this occasion) we are having a fun experience in your pigging piggy bank...you are (as usual) WAAAAAAAAAAY off base!!!!!
You have quite rightly over the years introduced protective screens---------not to ward off bank robbers (i suspect) but to stop us from reaching over and ramming our passbook where the sun doesn't shine when you sweetly say: 'Thank you for waiting'
Get more sodding staff!!!!!
I especially love the moment of truth, when a dolt who has barely lost the cradlemarks from its arse gives me the descision as to whether i can have MY OWN MOTHERFUCKING MONEY......and make a performance of scrutinising my signature (which i do differently EVERY TIME)
And another thing......i want to see what it is you see when you are looking with great concern at MY bank details, ---------pretending to be all knowing, seeing and intellectual.
And the thing that REALLY has me teetering on the edge of justifiable homicide, is the concerned question (when i'm in the most tearing hurry)......'have you thought about putting your money in an account which gives you more interest?'
NO!!! GO AND SUCK A SODA!!!!! IT'S THERE BECAUSE I WANT IT THERE NOW BUGGER OFF!!!!!!!
Bankers are such Wankers!!!!
Posted by Letitcia at 02:04 PM | Comments (1)
September 19, 2006
Editing my orgasm (for the P.C brigade)
Normally when i am in the presence of a proficient lover i call out the following: ........
'JESUS FUCKING CHRIST ALMIGHTY'
This audible release will simply have to stop, since this wimp like country is going to the 'dogs of war'
I will have to change it to 'ALLAH AKHBAR' (sorry for typo)
If some poor bloke is imprisoned for 2 days for the crime of: REVVING HIS CAR ENGINE WHILE ALONG SIDE A >BURKHA WEARING BABE AND HER HUBBY.....then i will seriously have to think of leaving my patrons in the lurch and disband to ....er,........i haven't actually worked that one out yet ....but i gotta get out of this place.
The Islamic Duo were said to be: 'embarassed and degraded'......i'm not surprised, on dress sense alone that would be 'nul points'
Oh, come ON...THIS IS BEYOND RIDICULOUS.
It reminded me of the comedy sketch (Alas Smith and Jones) where an over zealous Police Constable arrested a BLACK man 'for looking at him in a strange way'
Or the Sketch (Monty Python) -----where a man goes looking for an 'argument' and ends up in the 'abuse' room.
I cannot STAND the way everyone (including the police) is bending over and asking, nay, BEGGING for a spot of UNCOVERED Anal delight.
What is WRONG WITH YOU???
Stand up and say: 'OI YOU...YES YOU......NOOOOOOOOO!!!!'
To that end, i will (can) preclude any person who i deem to be 'not to my liking'
No big loss......Muslims never go down on you anyway.........
Posted by Letitcia at 04:47 PM | Comments (0)
September 17, 2006
No sex please, we're British
How often have you been presented with a contract to sign.....and forget (or cannot be bothered) to read the small print.........
Potential patrons seem to be doing the same with my hugely informative website........
Approximately two and a half years ago i closed up shop on my Wendy House
I agree it may be a novel concept for a sex worker not to offer sex----but there it is.
I won't change it or rearrange it.........
At first this did not seem to present a discernable problem, but now nearly every man and his big log is giving me the 'aggrieved and hurt' look of one who has not studied one of the most important pieces of information provided on my site.....namely: SERVICES ON OFFER.
Assumptions make fools of all of us......so where this quaint 'as sure as eggs are eggs' notion about plundering my ramparts come into play i am not sure.
I have never expected a sea view in a landlocked country.....nor good manners in France.
I don't demand a Rogan Josh in a fish restaurant nor a cup of Lapsang in a beer and skittles pub.
That is because i read the menu.
Apparantly the review: 'Yes Letitcia can lick yer gonads and deep throat at the same time' is something that would be wooers DO read.
Therefore i can only think that it is an oversight.
To recap (paraphrasing the cooking prgramme): 'CAN'T FUCK WON'T FUCK!!!!!!'
Posted by Letitcia at 12:43 AM | Comments (0)
September 13, 2006
T.U.C Conference and the patrons from hell
Anybody who has ever seen my website , spoken to me, or actually made an appointment (and survived the experience)...will know that i am all about softness sensuality and eroticicsm.
Therefore i was more than nonplussed to receive a voice mail message (at 3.30 in the bloomin' morning) with the following coarse message.........
'Yeah, into Corporal Punishment .......me to you, Double penetration, big huge dildos, fisting, double fisting your arse, scratchin' bitin', fisting, baby oil, farting brown stuff all over yer...... fisting...... double fisting, strangling, smothering.... fisting... double penetration.....'
He went on and on on this vile rant. What a charmer!
And he was so far off his testicles that he even left a number!!!!
'Please get back to me' he demanded.
Yeah right...i'm gutted to have missed his call (not)
He really did 'drink, drug, dial'.......
On the same day i had a series of phone enquires from gentlemen who sounded like a cross betwee the Boston Strangler and the Yorkshire Ripper...they all sounded so unappealing that i turned into the Basil Fawlty of Body Worship and found myself saying: 'I'm most awfully sorry but i am NOT going to see you.
'Why not' they demanded
There was no easy way to say:'You sound like my worst nightmare' so i simply said 'i don't think we would get on'
'Why not' they demanded angrily.
'Because you sound unfriendly and aggressive' and i do not feel comfortable' i graciously explained
There is no arguing with that----but some rang back several hours later to demand an appointment.
I reiterated that i STILL did not relish meeting a bellicose bugger.
It all became perlucid when i realised the T.U.C concerence was in town...
WHAT A STRANGE LOT THEY ARE
They say a week is a long time in politics...and i cannot wait until they sod off back to where they travelled from...they are an Erotic service provider's NIGHTMARE!!!!
Posted by Letitcia at 11:21 PM | Comments (1)