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December 29, 2006
'Tis a pity he's a bore
According to http://www.brighton-hove.gov.uk/index.cfm?request=c278----' The Mayor is also the first citizen of Brighton & Hove and represents the council at public affairs, civic and ceremonial events both in and outside the city. The Mayor has a social/ambassadorial role to play and is a figurehead for the community.........WELL YOU COULD HAVE FOOLED ME.........
I am no stranger to the Mayor's parlour.....and by that, i mean i have interviewed the last Mayor in those surroundings....yes, LETITCIA WAS AT CITY HALL......i have become ALMOST respectable.
With this new found respectability comes invites to prestigeous events....none more so than THE BLACK AND WHITE BALL.
This was (as i was so fond of bragging to everyone) the society event of the year, and at £95 a ticket one would imagine (present company excepted) that the movers and shakers of impeccable taste and manners would be there.
WRONG
It all started off so well, i trowelled on the makeup, set hat at the jauntiest of angles and gave my impossibly glamourous satin wrap its first outing. I then tottered down the road like a poor man's Dick Emery and caught the especially laid on courtesy bus.
The great and the good were ferried to the imposing Stanmer House in Stanmer park, the magical winter wonderland was achieved with jugglers and snow machines, and the ubiquitous mulled wine awaited all arrivals in the reception hall.
Mulled bloody wine? 'Tastes like sausages doesn't it' opined a city columnist mate of mine.
He was right....this wasn't good enough, i went in search of pink bubbles of the Champagne variety.....but they didn't sell it by the glass
We were then coralled en masse to partake of the 5 course extravaganza....and i naturally assumed it would be hosted in a stunning ballroom of epic proportions within the opulent house.
WRONG
As i followed the other diners, i became aware of the terrific drop in temperature.....WHAT THE FUCK was happening?????
It transpires that we were dining in a bloomin' TENT!!!!!
I was led to my table.....flippin' 'eck.......i was on the top table......and i was pointedly sitting next to the Mayor of Brighton.
I had heard reports that there had been a semi scandal (NOT involving me) where he had left his wife.....and therefore i didn't know what to make of the lady who was his date for the night.
It was obvious they were not married....they looked too happy.
Introductions were made and i was known on the place setting in my CIVILIAN NAME and introduced as a writer, author and journalist....which wasn't a lie.
I made pleasantaries to people i would not normally give the time of day to....and maybe that was vice versa----BUT WHAT I DIDN'T EXPECT WAS FOR HIS RIGHT WORSHIPFUL MAYOR FOR THE CITY OF BRIGHTON AND HOVE TO REACH ACROSS, GRAB MY AMPLE CHARMS AND ASK: 'ARE THEY REAL????'
What a pig -------and a study in boorishnessand utter crassness
If a guy is in a position of 'FIGURE HEAD OF THE COMMUNITY'.....then he can keep his chuffing hands to himself.
It got me thinking: His job (description) is supposed to make him a lauded figure and mine is,....well, THE REVERSE....but in reality....he is not fit to lick my shoe leather.
GIVE ME A TABLE AT THE BACK WITH THE PLEBIANS ANY DAY OF THE WEEK
Posted by Letitcia at 12:32 AM | Comments (0)
December 09, 2006
Utility Futility Part 2
So, i have told them what the deal is,....'It is NOT my meter that has been read, and THAT is NOT my meter NUMBER'
I told then NOT to send a Reminder for my unpaid gas bill, since it bore no relation to what would have been used....
and what do i get?...........
A STUPID STUPID STUPID, auto generated Reminder.
I'm BACK to do battle with the round the sodding houses of options on the British Gas phone menu.
DON'T TRY AND SOUND SO CALM AND FRIENDLY...BECAUSE I AM NOT.....AND DON'T PLAY THAT STOOOOOOOPID JAUNTY JINGLE, LIKE THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A JOLLY EXERCISE.....IT IS NOT.....I HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO ON THIS, THE FIRST NICE DAY OF WEATHER FOR 3 WEEKS.
I hang on for 7-8 minutes since i CANNOT repeat the misery of listening to automated voices commanding me to do a) b) or c)......
Thank goodness i do not get the previous nonchalant: 'Wanker of Wales' phone operator
This time i was not interrogated to within an inch of my aureola, and i proceeded to relate precisely the same information that i had given to them 2 weeks before.
The outcome was the same....until there could be a time agreed for me to be in situ and for them to send an official Meter Reader....we were at stale mate.
'Could you at the very least, stop sending reminders, because it serves no purpose whatsoever' i asked.
This was agreed, and we have deferred negotiation until January.
One thing struck me over this exasperating and pointless exercise...while waiting for someone to deal with my query/complaint.....i have a benevolent voice ......FUCKING TELLING ME HOW TO WASH MY DISHES AND CLEAN MY TEETH IN AN EFFORT TO SAVE ENERGY/WATER
If they are so concerned about 'energy conservation'....they would SCRAP BRITISH GAS COMPLETELY
*****froth and foam of frustration drools from Letitcia's ruby lips*********
Posted by Letitcia at 05:02 PM | Comments (0)
December 03, 2006
Take That and my Video collection
When a stranger enters my flat, there is the inevitable ritual they are determined to perform: rooting through either your, music,book or video collection to try and discern or psychoanalize the Letitcia persona.
Without fail (untill i shifted it all to another room) their eye would fall on........
.....My TAKE THAT music video.
'I CANNOT believe you have THIS in your collection' they scream
True, it is pretty much incongruous to the rest of my audio/visual collection...which has a fair representation of the very best of kick ass rock music. I make a perfunctuary stab at defending the inclusion, even telling the presposterous lie that 'A mate left it here'
The fact is, watching the Video had a 'feelgood factor' of energy and youth and the songs were so ANTHEMIC, catchy and well sung.
In short, they were talented.
Gary always copped flak for being THE FAT ONE, but i tell you what....after seeing 'An Audience with TAKE THAT' after my 'X factor fix'............i can only conclude that having a few extra pounds is where it is at as one grows older.
He looked really well. As for the other three, all the stage make up in the world cannot hide the hollow, haunted gauntness that 10 years in the wilderness can bring.
It's wonderful that they are 'Back'....i don't know if they are back for good, but they will appreciate it all the more for being older and wiser.
So my message is: LADS, PUT A BIT OF LARD ON.......after all, it works for me.......
Posted by Letitcia at 10:54 PM | Comments (0)