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January 31, 2007
The Mean Streets of Brighton
I finally went to HMV to spend my Christmas vouchers.....
I realised that i would i would either have to stop buying videos (since they no longer have the format) or acquire a DVD player.
I plumped for C.D's instead, and started strolling home..........
At the Clock Tower, one of nature's rejects----accompanied by 8 of her multi coloured hoodie mates, decided to act the goat and 'diss me large'
This is what she shouted: 'OI, YOU, 'HAT LADY....'OW MUCH D'YA CHARGE'
I had an immediate fantasy of grabbing her by her undernourished, Posh Spice throat....and ripping her cheap hair extensions from her tossing head...i then would have liked to kick her over used, black boyfriend receiving, rotten crutch------ all the way up to the clap clinic.....but not before i smeared/erased her crayoned on eyebrows and obliterated the aquamarine eyeshadow and poorly applied warpaint from her plain and inbred face.
But i walked on, smug in the knowledge that i charged quadruple what her grandmother did.
Whatever happened to respect for one's elders???
Posted by Letitcia at 11:48 PM | Comments (0)
January 30, 2007
Whistleblowers from hell
'KINKY TART SELLS BODY WORSHIP AT VICARS POSH FLAT'................
What a catchy little tag line THAT was for a National paper, courtesy of some faceless, anonymous guttersnipe who thought it would be rather clever to stir up a little trouble in a life (mine) that was already swirling like a tempest.
That was several World Cups ago, and the troubles, like the hits...'just keep on coming'
Everyone has bullshit happen to them in life, and i am a regular slurry farm,------ so when i had the Argus (renamed The Anus, by the official Cheeky Guide to Brighton) ring me the other day, asking if i would 'care to comment'...i thought to myself........... 'WHAT NOW?'
It transpired that an unknown person, with an unknown agenda, had read one of my Blogs and contacted the above tabloid with allegedly the words: 'I think you should look at this'
The Anus, sorry ARGUS, sensing a scandal (and if there wasn't one they were perfectly capable of making one up in the best tradition of: 'never let the truth get in the way of a good story') contacted yours truly to try and make a silk purse out of a pigs arse.
However, i nipped all promise of a situation/story (albeit, abridged but true) in the bud.
'Would you mind telling me who it was that was kind enough to direct you to my website?' i asked in silky sweet tones between gritted teeth.
The intrepid roving reporter 'ummed' and 'ahhhed' and 'errrrerd' like a Frank Spenser tribute voiceover...finally he said, or rather should i say LIED: 'There was no name...er the email wasn't signed off...er i don't know'
'Oh COME ON, an email has to have an email ADDRESS!' i reasoned
Um, Er, Ah, well replied....(and in time honoured fashion) 'we do not reveal our sources'
'IN THAT CASE THIS IS GOING TO BE A VERY SHORT CONVERSATION'
I let the uncomfortable silence linger like a pig farm stench.........
I then heard words that i didn't think a 'hack' could say without giggling: 'WOULD YOU BE PREPARED TO TALK ABOUT IT OFF THE RECORD'
'I don't think so' i replied witheringly
And there i left him, save to say....'MY BLOG STANDS, AND THERE WERE ABSOLUTELY NO EMBELLISHMENTS'.
I did point out to him, that the 'INFORMER' and Author of a potential manufactured scandal was ACTIVELY SEEKING IT OUT ON A (my)SEX SITE......and i wondered what kind of bottom feeding plankton would then attempt, as a faceless gutless moron, to hide behind the safety curtain of the Web to cause unnecessary trouble.
So my message to YOU (muppet) is: PUT ANOTHER NICKEL IN AND TRY AGAIN
Posted by Letitcia at 05:41 PM | Comments (0)
January 23, 2007
A hanging offence
It is my understanding that hanging, as a form of punishment, was stopped due to the number of innocent people being wrongly accused and sentenced to death.
Quite right too, but this JADE debacle is a right sorry mess............
It was an act of unspeakable cruelty (yet necessary) when Jade exited to the sound of Silence.
Talk about living and dying by the sword.
If that was her punishment, i cannot wait to see what they do with the remaining dolts JACK JOE AND NAT....for they were really ten times worse than the tearful one.
Jack could bore an asshole in a wooden horse, and for sheer effrontery, the other two brown nosing and ingratiating themselves with a lady who several days previous was anathema to them------ is nearly too painful to watch.
They are nasty, vicious little madams and Jack is useless lump of doggy doo doo.
I do so hope they get their comeuppance when they leave...and that Channel Four does not alert them to the fact that there is trouble in paradise
*****rubs hands in glee at the prospect******
Posted by Letitcia at 06:28 PM | Comments (0)
January 18, 2007
Putting the ignorant pig Jade in the Shade
The Big Brother debate is NOT about racism.............
It is about stupidity and ignorance.
Great Britain is to blame....because they reward both of these qualities.
Take Jack......he is in the house because he has the misfortune to be porking 'the Minger'.....and he thinks that he now has the right to pronounce the rights and wrongs of BB house or to say:' 'I 'ate 'ere i do the ****'
Meanwhile the charming Ex Ms G.B who is in the house for the distinction of being shagged by Teddy 'i will not fuck anyone under 25 yrs old' Sheringham,calls our fragrant Indian Guest: 'a dog'
The Bird who was known for being in a band, meanwhile sniggers......and throws insults of her own.
Well Great Britain...i hope you are proud...this is the society you have created......
i have said it before...and i will say it again....i cannot wait to leave......
Posted by Letitcia at 08:25 PM | Comments (2)
Put another Pimp on the Barbie
So........Leo Sayer (of big brother fame) wants out of the U.K and needs to get back to The Land Of Oz........
They are the words of someone who does not understand what it is to live in Australia for any length of time.
A very popular T Shirt in Oz bears the words: 'Another shitty day in paradise'.. ........
What it means is: YOU THINK THINGS WILL BE GREAT JUST BECAUSE THERE IS A BLUE SKY
Listen very carefully (for i will say this only once): All it means is that you will get mugged, raped, burgled, Murdered, beaten, attacked....IN BETTER WEATHER........!!!!!
Posted by Letitcia at 07:20 PM | Comments (0)
January 03, 2007
Letitcia finds God
I always opine that i am never happier than when it is Jan 1st on any given year, but sadly this year was NOT the case.........
What bright spark thought it would be a spiffing idea to plonk freaking FAT BOY SLIM yards from my luxury domain?
OI YOU COUNCIL PERLONKERS (for i assume they are the miscreants who have the yay or nay say regarding this intrusion) NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooo!!!!
How bloody dare you subject me to a noise which is like Sooty and Sweep playing the Xylophone....**** off and do something useful (like get the present Mayor OUT of office...the randy crass git) instead of ruining the very first day of the year with a lamentable DIN.
Well, i gritted my teeth and waited for the window to shudder with the metronomic thud- thud -thud of asinine sampling----and----NOTHING.
The wind and the rain raged and i heard not a peep
God is ever so merciful ----THANK YOU BABY JESUS
Posted by Letitcia at 07:50 PM | Comments (0)