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February 25, 2008
Free time
Why is it that anything to do with the Media, Radio, T.V, Newspapers...is a pride swallowing siege?
Do THEY work for nothing?
No
Would they drop everything so that the caller from whatever organisation might be able to snare a live one for NOTHING?
No
Have they no soul?
No
Do they respect the concept of 'time is money'?
No
So when i get a call from B.B.C Southern counties radio this morning, i knew what to do.
'Is that Letitcia?' friendly exuberant voice enquires.
'whats left of her' would have been the true answer, but i replied in the affirmative.
I knew what was coming.
She would want me to drop EVERYTHING, so that the mighty corporation might make great afternoon radio for the Tommy Boyd show.
I had been there before, a mere TWO YEARS BEFORE.
I thoroughly enjoyed the experience, but the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune has wounded me somewhat in that intervening time, and i had no intention of being cannon fodder, (even though SEX THERAPY FOR MEN (Creating Casanova) was now available in paperback through: www.chipmunkapublishing.com
As i suspected, she wanted me to repeat my 'drop everything' performance for the good of the cause.
Do these people feel no embarassment at all?
'And the fee IS?' was my crisp demand.
This got her all of a fluster.
She was non commital.
She then, and this was her downfall, commited the cardinal sin of reminding me what a sap i had been two years previously.
'Er, did we pay you the last time?'
'No' i replied 'you did not, but i now realise my sense of self worth'
I got the standard flanking depolyment of: 'It's only regional, we have no budget for that'
Yeah, right whatever...would you like me to bend over slightly more so that you might get your balls in as well you utter utter shits?
She made a final stab of: 'We could mention your website, whatever..'
Ha!!! Just when the government is trying to appeal to newpapers NOT to take advertising from 'Ladies that munch' they want to do it on the radio??
If i hear that old hoary chestnut: 'BUT IT WILL RAISE YOUR PROFILE' one more time, i am going to beg the Hove Priory to take me in for therapy.
****A twitch forms in Letitcia's left eye****
Posted by Letitcia at 01:20 PM | Comments (0)
February 23, 2008
Aussie okker humour
Australians, (with maybe a few exceptions) may be useless where lovemaking is concerned, but they do make me laugh.......
Just imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearing this. Many Sydney folks DID hear this on the FOX FM morning show...
The DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is called "Mate Match". The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers"yes",he or she is then asked 3 random yet highly personal questions.
The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner with (phone number) for verification. If their partner answers those same = three questions correctly, they both win the prize.
Anyway, here's how it all went down:
DJ: "Hey! This is Ed on FOX-FM. Have you ever heard of 'Mate Match'?"
Contestant: (laughing) "Yes, I have."
DJ: "Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to the Gold Coast if you win.
What is your name? First only please."
Contestant: " Jeff ."
DJ: " Jeff , are you married or what?"
Jeff : (laughing nervously) "Yes, I am married."
DJ: "Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please."
Jeff : "Sara."
DJ: "Is Sara at work, Jeff ?"
Jeff : "She is gonna kill me."
DJ: "Stay with me here, Jeff ! Is she at work?"
Jeff : (laughing) "Yes, she's at work."
DJ: "Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?"
Jeff : "About 8 o'clock this morning."
DJ: "Atta boy, Jeff ."
Jeff : (laughing sheepishly) "Well..."
DJ: "Question #2 - How long did it last?"
Jeff : "About 10 minutes."
DJ: "Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said that if a trip wasn't at stake."
Jeff : "Yeah, that trip sure would be nice."
DJ: "Okay.. Final question. Where did you have sex at 8 o'clock this morning?
Jeff : (laughing hard) "I, ummm, I, well..."
DJ: "This sounds good, Jeff . Where was it at?"
Jeff : "Not that it was all that great, but her mum is staying with us for a couple of weeks..."
DJ: "Uh huh..."
Jeff : "...and the Mother-In-Law was in the shower at the time."
DJ: "Atta boy, Jeff ."
Jeff : "On the kitchen table."
DJ: "Not that great?? That is more adventure than the previous hundred times I've done it.
Okay folks, I will put Jeff on hold, get his wife's work number and call her up.
[ 3 minutes of commercials follow. ]
DJ: "Okay audience; let's call Sarah, shall we?" (Touch tones.....ringing....)
Clerk: "Kinkos."
DJ: "Hey, is Sarah around there somewhere?"
Clerk: "This is she."
DJ: "Sarah, this is Ed with FOX-FM. We are live on the air right now and I've been talking with Jeff for a couple of hours now."
Sarah: (laughing) "A couple of hours?"
DJ: "Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Jeff knows not to give any answers away or you'll lose.
Sooooooo... do you know the rules of 'Mate Match'?"
Sarah: "No."
DJ: "Good!"
Jeff : (laughing)
Sarah: (laughing) " Jeff , what the hell are you up to?"
Jeff : (laughing) "Just answer his questions honestly, okay? Be
completely honest."
DJ: "Yeah yeah yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sarah. If your answers match Jeff's answers, then the both of you will be off to the Gold Coast for 5 days on us.
Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."
DJ: "Alright. When did you last have sex, Sarah?"
Sarah: "Oh God, Jeff ....uh, this morning before Jeff went to work."
DJ: "What time?"
Sarah: "Around 8 this morning."
DJ: "Very good. Next question. How long did it last?"
Sarah: "12, 15 minutes maybe."
DJ: "Hmmmm. That's close enough. I am sure she is trying to protect is manhood. We've got one last question, Sarah. You are one question away from a trip to the Gold Coast. Are you ready?"
Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."
DJ: "Where did you have it?"
Sarah: "OH MY GOD, JEFF !! You didn't tell them that did you?"
Jeff : "Just tell him, honey."
DJ: "What is bothering you so much, Sarah?"
Sarah: "Well..."
DJ: Come on Sarah.....where did you have it?
Sarah: "Up the arse....."
They had to call an ambulance for the DJ. He thought he was going to have a heart attack , he could not stop laughing..
Apperently there was an unusually high call out of the Sydney Police just after this conversation , for minor traffic collisions..........
Posted by Letitcia at 01:33 PM | Comments (0)
February 18, 2008
Plump Friction
My mother taught me never to talk to strangers, nor to accept a lift from one.........
So what did i do the other day?....yes, i did BOTH, in the middle of London.
I had been promised lunch by the 'brothel creeper' himself, SEBASTIAN HORSLEY, and i had been issued the edict: 'Darling, please don't be late, i have another appointment at 3'
Quite right too, except, i was running behind schedule.
I had decided to try to WALK from Victoria station to Horsley Towers (somewhere in Soho), but didn't realise how bloomin' FAR it was.
London was gridlocked, and there was not a cab to be seen.
It looked as if i was going to be delayed to the point that Master H's distain would have been unbearable.
Added to which indignity, i did not actually know where i was going.
I was a stranger in paradise----SO, i asked directions from 'white van man'
Out came the map, and then, the offer of the century:
'Tell you what' he said 'i have another delivery in the next street to where you're goin'....i give yer a lift if yer like'
The thought somehow tickled me.
That is why ladies and gent, i found myself, in all my finery and jantily placed hat, in a: PULP FACTION: Recycling company van!!.
The blurb on their website states: A SINGLE SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR NEEDS.
I'll say.
I could have kissed him....except there was a baby buggy between the driver and passenger seat.
The spirit of adventure is still in the old girl.........
Posted by Letitcia at 04:04 PM | Comments (0)