August 08, 2005
A hand in a velvet glove
Man arrives home with a both ravishing and unexpected bunch of wildly expensive flowers.
His Missus drags him by his silk tie up the stairs to the bedroom---where, to the astonishment of her hubby----she rips off her clothes in a manner of total abandonment---lies down on the futon---splays her legs and cries
'Darling, this is for the flowers'
To which he replies: 'Oh don't be silly, you must have a vase somewhere'-------
An oldie but a goodie----
Why did i remember this joke today??
I read in my newspaper that people are having trouble finding CANDLES TO FIT THE CANDLE HOLDERS.
It seems the Department of Trade and Industry has taken it's gimlet eye off of the regulation for candle wax--or lack thereof.
The only candles which can confidently be bought are made by the stalwarts of illumination: Price's Candles-- (i have no link with this company!!)
The cheaper foreign muck invading our shores are too big or too small.
Isambard Kingdom Brunel had his standard 7'6" (i can't remember the correct width--and i NEVER refer to any text book) railtrack gauge, where by contrast, the train which spans Australia from East to west---HAS TO CHANGE THE FRIGGING WHEELS half way across the Nullabor Plain.
That's what i call bad planning
YOU CAN ALWAYS RELY ON A VAGINA THOUGH,
No job too big or too small.
THE MOUTH IS THE SAME
and to a lesser degree the Anus.
OFF-PRO takes sex worker's trading standards very seriously.
The Prossie Ombudsman takes a very dim view of the recepticles not being of girth/width as specified in:RAMITIN MONTHLY.
If you are not operating with a bona fide orifice---please fill in form qkv69--and send to 'doesn't bleedin' fit' at Hole Headquarters WC1
I remember reading about a very famous Holly wood producer/ director, who, when quizzed about the longevity of his marriage in a system where divorce is rife---simply replied: 'It fits'
AH, isn't nature wonderful??
Posted by Letitcia at 12:01 AM | Comments (0)