February 07, 2006
Rich Bitch Glitch
Flight No CX 101 scythed through the sky scrapers of Hong Kong and deposited me at Kai Tek airport.
Customs took one look at my pink nosed puppies (tits) straining against my white Ted Lapidus designer T.Shirt and asked:
'YOU CALLY ANY FIRE REAPONS?'......
'Do i fucking look as if im any carrying fire weapons' was the favoured answer....but i was fatigued and meekly answered NO
My mate Chippie (general manager of SE Asian hotel groups)had secured me the deal of the century at the Hilton.
As usual i was travelling alone....well, you can get into all sorts of trouble if you're lucky.....and impediment or encumberances are not needed when you are 'looking for adventure' (and what ever comes my way)
A few days later i took a boat trip round the harbour on the WAN FU ferry boat..a couple of likely lads (Ex pat) steamed in...and we ended up having dinner back at my hotel
I scoured my brain to think how i could let the cute but arrogant obnoxious one down gently (I DON'T LIKE THREESOMES)...i favoured the rough looking funny bloke...THEY TRY HARDER IN BED....
The bill arrived, and it was placed next to the guys...WHO PUSHED IT >TO ME AND SAID...'THANKS, THAT WAS VERY GENEROUS OF YOU...'
WHAT THE FUCK?????
It seems they thought i was so rich, because i mentioned i was in the Taipan Suite..which was approx a million quid a night, that they thought my invitation meant i was going to pay for their company.
Get back jack, and get real.....i was so incensed (but i kept it all inside)..and excused myself to go to the bathroom....from there, i found a way to get to my room in the 900 room hotel.
They did not have my name, nor did they have my room number....and i masturbated at the thought that these freeloaders had gotten their come uppence.
HOW TERRIBLEY UNCHIVALROUS!!!!
Posted by Letitcia at 12:07 AM | Comments (0)
July 12, 2005
Livin' on the front line
******Sing along with me folks*****
'SUMMERT-I-M-E AND THE LIVIN' IS e-a-s-y----'
Ha!!! Not if you live on the seafront it aint-----
It's a most clement English Summer's day----seagulls are scudding across an azure sky---the cushions are plumped, the beverage de jour (depending on the mood) is ready on the balcony---sunglasses, reading glasses--a month's supply of unread glossy mags and Sunday Supplements---all the ingredients for a well earned rest and relaxing time you would think---Wrong.
You can be up and down so many times you may as well be doing squat thrusts at the gym.
Just as the first line is about to be read and the first sip is about to be swallowed---something is trying to attract your attention from down below (OOoooer)---by that i mean people who just HAPPEN TO BE PASSING BY.
'Just happen to be passing by' they coo.
They are lying.
I would respect them more if they could confess: 'its a bonza day and you have the best view in the city' or 'i fancy a glass of fizz and i know you always have one on the go'
What really cranks me up is that they are often only one of TEN people who have tried that particular ruse on the very same day.
I did used to be putty in their manipulative hands, but my drinks bill was horrendous and i never felt as if i had time to myself.
Don't misconstrue, i like quality company and have been told i am very welcoming and gregarious----however it has ALWAYS been a rule in MY abode: RING FIRST.
The reasons are manifold.
'Never arrive somewhere unannounced--you might not like what you see when you get there'.
This was advice received from a no good, two timing boyfriend----who was drenched in both the perfume (cheap smelling cat's piss) and the sweat of a stray shag.
Then there are times when you just want the world and his dog/baby/mate to '**** off and die', and i am determined to have the choice.
'I was banging on your door the other day!!!' said a neighbour in an accusing manner.
'Really?' i replied 'i never answer the door unless i a) know who it is, or b)have invited them'
'But you was IN--i could hear your AC/DC blaring out'
'That's as maybe, but sometimes it's nice to be alone' i explained.
My mate Kym has perfected the noble art of inscrutability.
She can ignore the persistent, fervent ring or knock at the door---even though the potential visitor has an actual SIGHTING of her through the door or the window.
She is not in the least embarassed.
Like myself, she feels the onus of responsibility is on the bugger daft enough to rock up unannounced in the first place.
'Hear hear!!' i thought, and have followed her lead ever since.
It's not good enough to refuse entry or wangle out of it with an excuse---one has to feel not one iota of guilt or responsibility for the refusal or the 'wasted trip'.
And 'oh to be in England (now that i have mastered that same art)----and now that summer's here.'
Posted by Letitcia at 12:24 PM | Comments (0)