June 19, 2005
Looking for Mr Good bar
'You have a message from Lurve Central-----Matey Date----Dancing and Prancing Direct----' And so the litany of horrors continue.
Yes, MORE shite dating sites with whom i have wasted time.Temporary insanity/drink/ bordom can be the only reasonable explanation for the returning emails that ensue. The first set of problems begin right there.
Form filling and registering , whilst in my altered state, means there are Login names and Passwords to navigate---and i couldn't recall them all if my love-life depended upon it.
It's only polite to reply if somebody has taken the time to correspond,therefore i eventually start to wade through the applications--and i DO mean wade.. and it is quite arduous...for there are literally HUNDREDS of likely lads (and idiotic ladies) who are vying for my attention and 'maybe more' as they say in online dating parlance.
I have learnt to reject out of hand any one who is: Female, Bi curious, illiterate, boorish, offensive--along with those who do not even inhabit the same country--much less the county where i reside.
Then there are those who seem to have ommited (for me) the most important feature: A BLOODY PHOTO OF THE FACE.
They offer plenty of 'front and back bum'shots, honed torsos.... and curiously, photos where they are dressed in fatigues and posing (with guns) in front of Mig Fighters, Tanks and Warships.
They seem to have read the book WHAT DO WOMEN WANT and misconstrued our needs COMPLETELY.
Phase 3 begins with a strange game of dating 'chicken' or 'who blinks first'. Getting a telephone number is as likely as a tip from a Scotsman.
They want to do tedious tag emailing/messaging and whilst one might actually get to speak to a few, they sound so inept and lacking in charisma and charm ----that sticking drawing pins through an eyeball is a more inviting prospect.
Ignoring the mail of those that are not of 'Merchantable quality' merely delays having to reject them eventually.They play the pathetic card (i'm lonely), the guilt trip (i signed up ESPECIALLY for you).
Or they just turn like a black snake: 'should have known you'd be a stuck up cow'---'you're not THAT hot'---ad nauseum.
And then the games commence in earnest--'you look very familiar' ---'AAAaaahhh, i've seen you somewhere else'----'you're an AUTHOR?...i DONT THINK SO', they cry. They could not seem more pleased with themselves and their perceived 'good detective work' than Sherlock Holmes himself.
It never occurs to these internet inspectors that they are revealing the fact that they look on sex sites, though they are accusing me of 'straying' from my avowed turf.
I had a particularly nasty email, which from memory said: 'people like you make me sick, there are people on this site genuinely looking for love, and you are just playing with their affections....when you know you are only here looking for customers'
And eventually that is all you end up with---a misguided argument with an aggressive cynic. Hmmmm--not the outcome i was looking for.
As frustrating as knitting custard.
There are many pitfalls to working in the sex industry and navigating the labyrinth of dating sites in one's (literally) free time.
If one moves upmarket and starts paying serious money, the problems get worse----but more of that later.
Time for my hot cocoa and jim jams.
Posted by Letitcia at 01:38 AM | Comments (0)
June 17, 2005
Oh goodness
We have all surely done it...woken up with the detritus of soggy chips and a half eaten big mac, squashed by the dead weight of a drunken sot...namely ME.
If one is lucky enough not to have compounded the horror by having a 'hyena job' of a person also lying in the bed, then one can count one's blessings and move onto phase 2.
This is where it becomes apparent what mischief the alcohol addled mind has spawned.
Log on to the computer:AND THERE IT IS.
Somehow i managed to start a thread on AN AUSTRALIAN FORUM--with the title: AUSSIE LOVERS.
And what did i write? Well, that every Oz man (barring few exceptions)were 'woeful in the cot' To further compound this squirm making mess, i had most thoughtfully provided (what I thought was) a very becoming photo.
Big mistake--HUGE.
Some while after they started questioning my parentage,the personal insults flew---and continued unabaited with one visceral comment after another.
This Australian Forum virgin was rooted (no pun)to the spot, so mesmerised was i by the vitriol and spitting bile....that i started to press their hate buttons,in the form of posting yet more images for their delectation.
I was deemed to be the most unattractive 'bushpig' known to the Great Okker country...and it was reasoned that with my lack of ANY vestiges of beauty and the fact that not only was i an old crone, but a seriously obese one---that i somehow (by their reasoning) deserved a bad bedding technique.
'Thank God they don't realise that i worked in the Premiere massage parlours of Sydney' i thought--shivering inwardly.
Too late, with ever MORE mounting horror i realised that i had started YET another thread with words to that effect.
The reaction to that post was a template of the 'woeful in bed' one--by virtue of the fact that i had yet again plastered another picture of myself.
Their off kilter reasoning was predictable.
As a sex worker, that was all i deserved.They also unkindly added that anyone who was blind enough to pay even one dollar for my dubious charms...was a dolt of the highest order.
The nastier they become, the more esoteric the pictures i uploaded.
I tried to tell them that even young beautiful nubile NON workers had almost to a woman, complained to me about the Oz man's lack of finesse and had corroborated my finding that they were metronomic pounding champians.
Hell i even devoted an entire chapter about it in my book: Body Worship.
They were sad sods of the highest order, there were only 3 or 4 of them (and i bet they all came from Queensland).
One or two very gallantly came to my rescue and requested more photos or asked when i would be back in Oz, whilst another asked me to email him directly--away from the starkness of the forum.
I ignored it, but he (i ASSUMED it was a he) was persistant and i capitulated.
Several days passed when i recieved an email from THE SODDING AUSTRALIAN MINISTRY OF DEFENCE.They kept it simple.
'who the hell are you' was pretty much the subtext.
I had been duped. The email address which was given to me piqued my interest, because of the word: Uniform.--and that means the words:'bull and red rag to'
What a sucker i am (no pun).
I hurridly explained that i was not a danger to national security and that the prospect of World War 111 was not indeed a happening thing.
All this excitement from a few glasses of bubbles.
Say what you like about me, but i am very cost and time effective.
I can have Cyber arguments with misogynistic dullards from the outback and put the country's security on a DEF CON 2 footing.
I must insist though..i cannot remember doing ANY of it.
Posted by Letitcia at 10:47 AM | Comments (0)