May 02, 2006
John Prescott and his unpaid prostitutes
'If i wus bleedin' Prezza, i would 'av banged 'em up the shitter an' bitch slapped them outta 'my grace an' favour mansion'
This was a conversation i had with my erudite and articulate mate 'ARRY...(Essex lad with a penchant for Shakespeare).....
'If i 'ad that much power an' ****in' money i would 'av better friggin' taste in beavers as well'.
Well said Harry..........
I must admit there has been the predictable: 'how could he...a married man an' all....abuse of position and power...'..when all i could think was: ARE YOU FREAKING MENTAL?????
He could have had prime prossie punani, they would NEVER have kissed and told and he would not have to suffer the indignity of being shown up for having NO BLOOMIN'TASTE where the laydeez are concerned......and even more worrying: HE THOUGHT HE WAS SAVING HIMSELF EXPOSURE AND MONEY.
What a Bozo.
Tell you what, prezza would NEVER have slithered under my ruthless telephone guidelines...i would have heard the distant thud of his obnoxiousness at his first spoonerism (or is that malapropism)
I cannot abide the familiar 'LUV'
I fail also to warm to 'what can ya do for me lass?'
When i look at Pauline (long suffering missus), she merely confirms my firmly held view...IT DOES NOT MATTER THAT YOU ARE GORGEOUS...NOR THAT YOUR ARE KIND AND SWEET AND A CUNNING COOK....YOUR MAN WILL ALWAYS STRAY
****There are very few exceptions******
You reap what you sow Mr Dep Prime Minister....best get yer Combine Harvester out........(Muppet)
Posted by Letitcia at 08:22 PM | Comments (0)
March 18, 2006
Bend over little girl
The guys in the Export office must have thought they had died and gone to nubile heaven........
I worked in the adjoining Correspondence office and my desk was right in their line of sight.
I was a bona -fide paper shuffler and this tedium was worth £4.50 a week (daylight robbery).....i remember my first pay packet, it was spent with indecent girlie haste on shoes.
The only style i ever wanted was the impossibly high stilettos which glamour women from the bygone Hollywood -Age wore...the pointier the toe and the thinner the heel the better.
They looked dead kinky!!!!
My office wear was chosen from the diffusion line of the company i worked for: JAEGER.....and it was cutting edge fashion,
I felt terribly grown up. This was Couture stuff which i could (as an employee) pick up for a fraction of the expensive going rate.
Naturally all the knitted dress i purchased got about 18" lopped off, so as to skim my 'barely out of school' buttocks.
The cashmere..... or even vicuna jumpers were skin tight and clung to my alabaster orbs and my ubiquitous erect nipples.
I didn't wear a bra (i didn't need to)....they were like the continental shelf......or like an army they single handedly constituted an entire second front.They stood out like dog's balls.
My 'uniform' of this apparel, together with my flaxen hair and triple decker false eyelashes (which the cat used to occasionally swat from the mantle piece), fishnet tights and stellies seemed (with hindsight) to cause quite a stir...both in and out of the office.
I was young, dumb, and full of so many lover's cum...i would practically squelch (this was in the age of free love and pre Compulsary condoms for nookie).
The village bus would deposit my elder sister outside work in the morning, but i would stay on to get dropped off in town...and then walk BACK. Also rather than pick the bus up outside for the return journey home at 5.45...i would walk INTO town
I often walked (actually it was more a wiggle) into town in my lunch break.
Those 3 'walks' were punctuated by a cacophony of horns and hooters (but not THOSE SORT) of admiring drivers...i also picked up my fair share of stalkers too.
At first i was unaware of the commotion i was causing (no really)...then i started to like the attention, by the second year of my employment at this office sweat shop...i was positively THRIVING on it.
The ADULATION was brill.
Inside the office, co workers were foaming at the mouth...or so Kevin from the Export office informed me one day.
It was an unguarded moment..someone's leaving do or a Christmas office party ..... and he boasted :'We love it when you bend over your desk, we can see the crack of your arse!!!!'
I didn't wear knickers....just tights..normally black fishnets .....
Apparently they had to keep tissues in their desk drawers to deal with the pre cum......
I was young and stupid and continued to encourage this kind of sniggering activity.
Then one day, one particular stalker (who i often encountered on my walks) decided to put thought into action.....he came closer to me and wacked my behind with a rolled up Newspaper (probably the Eastern Daily Press)
I didn't like it and got scared.
Secondly, the men in the office were so emboldened by this idiot prick teaser (me) that they started to touch me or speak to me in a desultory and derisive manner.
The Coup de Grace was one lunch time as i returned to work from my 1.PM walk and a white transit full of builders drunk from their lunchtime Summer Bank Holiday drink passed me.
The back doors were open...they screamed: 'COME ON BLONDIE HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO SUCK THIS........SIT ON MY FACE AND PEDDLE MY EARS ALL ROUND NORFOLK......'ELLO DARLIN FANCY A FUCK.......YA DON'T GET MANY OF THOSE TO THE POUND......YOU FILTHY SLUT YOU KNOW YOU WANNIT.......''
The reason i heard all of this was that the Bank holiday traffic made them grind to a halt a few yards from me...and they were crawling at walking pace in the SAME direction.
There was only ONE man who was strangely quiet as his other chums bayed for my quim (or whichever orrifice they required)......THAT MAN WAS MY FATHER.
Oooooooooh the shameful AGONY of it all. That he had to witness his workmates acting that way...and that the trollop was his daughter.
I never forgot the look he gave me, and it was NEVER mentioned....but it made me realise that i was the author of my own demise.
From that day i started to act in a slightly more responsible manner.
The hemlines came down a couple of inches, my tights were changed to a more respectable opaque...and although my boobs still had a mind and movement of thier own ( a bra was not remotely in my lexicon of lingerie)...i toned down the whole 'HELLO BOYS' caricature.
I also took control of my butt swiping stalker by growling at him to 'stay the hell out of my way'....or words to that effect. Apparently men who like to exert some kind of sexual power over a woman dislike INTENSELY a cupie doll rounding on them and spewing a torrent of vile swear words. It seemed to do the trick.
As for the Export office....i shifted my desk JUST out of their line of vision.....WHAT A PRICK TEASER!!!!!!
Posted by Letitcia at 08:04 PM | Comments (0)
February 16, 2006
OOOOOh, Baby Baby......
It is a mystery to me how EXCELLENT 16 -19 year olds are in terms of lovemakeing, much less how confidently they make the terrifying leap of faith to see a Sex worker.
I HAVE JUST DISCOVERED THE REASON
They are taught all about it at School.
Blimey, it wasn't like that in my day....it was fish head stares for sniggering, D merits for cheating and wrapped knuckles (though not spanked botties) for some major infraction.
I squirmed my way out of expulsion loads of times (though NOT with sexual favours), and the only thing REMOTELY to do with Sex was a dissected Frog on a pitrie dish.
60,000 copies of a 64 (should surely have been 69) page pamphlet are being used in numerous secondary schools in PSHE lessons (Personal social and health education).
Pigs arse!! Was i ever born in the wrong decade!!! Did all of the Amo amas amat...ambulo ambulatis ambulant...and even veni vidi vici....and these youngsters are being taught HOW TO TALK DIRTY!!!!
They are also taught to rip Mum's clingfilm off the tuppaware to avoid sexually transmitted disease..i'm still trying to get my head round THAT ONE.
If that were not hysterically funny enough...it's the soundbites from the sombre faced spokespersons for the Education Department, concerned mothers, and the blurb for the book itself that is taking it's toll on my non waterproof mascara:
'HEADS HAVE TO DECIDE WHAT IS APPROPRIATE'
'THE MAJORITY OF 14yr olds ARE NOT HAVING SEX, SO WHY SHOULD THEY BE MADE TO READ THAT STUFF (obviously a mum who has not twigged)
'THERE'S NO ACCOUNTING FOR TASTE, NOT EVERONE LIKES ORAL...NOT EVERYONE LIKE HAM AND CHEESE SARNIES EITHER (at least he didn't say fish paste)
Stuff the afterdinner speaking circuit!! I'm going to go round the schools and teach the men how to knot a cherry stalk with their tongue....though i fear they know how to do that already!!
Posted by Letitcia at 12:15 PM | Comments (0)
October 25, 2005
The X FACTOR at the lick academy.
Any enterprising, forward thinking government would ensure that the male youth of today; for they are the ones holding the eggs in the sac---would have (knowledge wise) the best possible sexual start in life----together with knowing the date of the 'the great fire of London' and the names of the fjiords in Norway.
As we well know (sexual start wise) this is not the case---this is what i recommend dear pupil:.....
Certain countries have COMPULSARY NATIONAL SERVICE----i just think it should be compulsary for young men over 16 to do a stint at my ACADEMY FOR BRIGHT YOUNG THINGS.
Now there's an opening for a bright young lad!!
There will be an obligatory stipend ( to cover the cost of food----you are, after all, GROWING lads -----and the cost of tissues)-----though in exceptional cases: where the young buck is cute as a lace panty or with a tongue that makes Gene Simons look like he has a cleft palate, you can be placed on a 'Scholarship' at my discretion.
Lessons would not start until 2pm (morning orgasms make me sleepy) and none of the pupils will be allowed to bed down with teacher,-------knowing, as i do, that i would never get a minute's peace.
This country has gone totally to the dogs, built as it was, on the THREE R's.
My utopia is based on good old fashioned values---it's called----------THE THREE C's---and if you don't know what it means, then you have no business aspiring to this citidel of learning.
The first lesson will be a field trip to a local dogs home. I have negotiated that my 'creme de la creme of little boys' will visit when the canines are being given a bowl of water.
Study very carefully-----this forms the nucleous, nay, is THE ENTIRE >BASIS of this seat of erotic instruction.
Apon arrival back at my lair---students must do their best to emulate the soft, sweet, wet, lick of tongue to water ---from a receptacle of their choice.
This receptacle will be neither bowl NOR vagina. You must practice practice practice.
When i deem it time for your first test (mock O's) you will start with the inside of a fleshy fruit: pomegranate/fig/ OR the inside of an overfilled peanut butter sandwich. Both tests carry the same points.
This exam is merely for me to observe the deftness and dexterity with which you approach your task.
When i am satified, then i will go to O levels for real.
There is no time limit (unlike most formal exams) though you COULD be finished within 5 to 10 minutes.Alternatively you could be there all day long.
Failure is not an option.
Pupils who complete the test with honours have the option to go the Advanced levels of excellence.
You won't actually get any better---but you'll make teacher very happy
Posted by Letitcia at 06:50 PM | Comments (0)
October 20, 2005
S.T.D ---S.O.S
Guys and gals, (also guys and guys) and all of the variations on a theme are STILL-----after all this time---with all of the information freely available through government initiatives/trusts/charities---------- having uprotected sex after a 'skin full' on a friday/saturday night (to say nothing of the rest of the week).
They are getting infected with variations of the S>T>D's (plus the big A)that pervade our society today.
And they bloody deserve it.
Not that catching something is such a biggie...it's just like catching a cold/flu....only slightly lower down.
It's not the end of the world and in many cases the remedy can erase the disease if not in 24 hours, a few days.
Now, i am talking about CIVILIANS here, NOT sex workers.
They really are beyond the pale.
So much filthy lucre is thrown away on what i consider to be these undeserving members of the community.
'Dont die of ignorance' was the slogan for safe sex---these dolts are potentially dying of terminal stupidity
I'm all for the Darwinian theory for 'survival of the fittest'
Let the buggers die if they know the consequences and do it anyway.
Chasing Aids has become a modern day phenomenon amongst NON sex workers (sad but very true)---they think they will bag free housing from the nanny state (and they DO)and then they also don't have to worry about condoms because they are staring at a death sentence anyway.
They say youth is wasted on the young----well, huge health budgets are wasted on this collective lunacy.
Letitcia hath spoken!!!!!
Posted by Letitcia at 02:04 AM | Comments (0)